Sunday Morning

I didn't go church this morning. Not Liberty, or anywhere else. Actually, I haven't been to Liberty in almost a month now. I don't know if my being done there is official yet, or not, though I would definitely prefer it to be. I can't think of up any more feasible reasons why I should still be there. To be honest, I don't want to have to go back and talk to people, to explain my reasons for leaving to them. For one, they wouldn't understand.

Oh God, that sounded pathetic. I mean, for all these years, I've been the one to stick through everything when everybody else was leaving for whatever reasons they had. The way I saw it, we were a family, and you don't just leave family - you work things out. But now, the people there now, that community, it's not my family. Anytime I go anymore, I'm just there. I don't really have any place to grow, or to see my visions come to life. And God knows I've tried before, I've talked, I've pushed, I've been there for everything. And maybe I am wrong here. Maybe there is a place for me and I just don't want to see it.

My whole view of Christianity is just so different now, even within the past week or so. I really don't want to be part of a "church" in the sense that our society thinks of it right now. I don't want youth group and this ministry and that ministry. I need to be apart of something, I am very well aware of that. But my heart is to love people, to be doing a ton of outreach, on a daily basis, not just a once a year thing. I want to be a part of a community of believers who meet at each others houses and eat food and hang out together and who are into the arts and volunteering with the homeless. I'm so sick of this version of Christianity that I've grown up with all my life. It's just misses so many things that I'm seeing so much more of now. Simple things, like embracing the outcasts and the sinners, that I was created to live out and share with other people.

....It did feel great to be able to sleep in this morning though. I don't remember the last time I didn't have to worry about what time I needed to get up and do all morning. Hopefully this won't become a habit for me though..