It's really amazing how God works things out. It's not like this is anything new...I'm just
constantly dumbfounded and awed by the amazing amount of attention He puts into even the smallest of details.

Like last night...we were doing our critique in my digital photography class, and the feedback I got back from my images was totally beyond what I had expected. The other people in my class (mostly older women...haha) were saying that all of my images are very emotional and really draw you in. This one lady was talking about how she saw a lot about life and death and eternity, and several other people were were saying they really got a picture of life and emotion from my pictures. These response were totally beyond what I had expected. I mean, I liked these images, and I really do attach a lot of emotion to them, but I hadn't realized that I was able to bring that out so other people could see it.

God, I'm still so amazed, and comforted by this, to know that You really are in this. It's not just me. :) It meant so much to me to hear that, because honestly, that's exactly what I want my work to evoke. For me, my photographs are very emotional. There is a reason behind everything I take a picture of - I'm realizing that. I'm drawn to certain subjects and colors and angles as a way of expressing myself. I want every inch to be brimming with emotion, to make anybody who comes across it really stop and think. And if somehow, only by God, my images can push somebody to really think about life, or death, or eternity, than, what more could I ask for? If I can inspire change and glorify my Jesus, than God...that's way more than I hoped for.

Lacking substance much?

I'm tired. I don't want to be writing right now. I don't want to make the effort to gather my thoughts into some form of coherence and say what needs to be said. But, I do need consistency. Consistency is quite crucial in my life right now. And so, I write, and God only knows to say what.

I'm frickin sick of being broke, of hardly having enough money to pay the bills, or as the case is right now..not even being able to pay all of my bills. Honestly, if I would have known it was going to be this fucking hard and strenuous, I probably wouldn't have made the choice to move out now. That's probably a good thing. The things I've learned the last several months through living on my own are things that I simply would not have learned living at home. Lessons like depending on God to have enough gas money to get through the week, or just finding a job, because I literally had nothing else. That's a pretty awesome feeling, watching Him come through (and usually in the ways I wanted the least). And God knows, I'm still learning..

Great expectations.

So, continuing from one of my previous posts (because I know I have so many), I'm learning how to love, and it's really not being quite how I imagined it. God has this way putting me in the middle of a bunch of very unlovable, just plain obnoxious people, then telling me, "Okay, Angie. Love them." And it's not like loving these people is a big complicated thing; half of the time it's just trying to treat them civilly and not blow their head off.

It's not what I expected, but then again, what did I expect? Love to be easy. Heh. I love the way that God teaches me things. It's all so unexpected.

Speaking of expectations, and God....No, actually, this is on a completely different note.

It's just that...He's breaking me again. This is a good thing, really. I'm frustrated with where I'm at, to be completely honest, and I don't see how anything is going to change, at least short-term. I'm sick and tired of just floating from place to place, not really knowing for sure where or how I'm supposed to belong. I'm involved, I'm present, and I'm committed to a certain degree. But I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to be doing in these specific places. But, that's not the point. The point is surrender. The point is being emptied of what I want to do, what I want to get out of this. The point, my friend, is being still, and knowing that He is God. And frankly, I haven't been wanting to do that lately.

Shhhh...

Why do I need a title to ramble?

Not every day is a sunny day.
Somedays you're the pigeon;
Somedays you're the statue.
~A quote from one of the many random JJ's signs.

Hrm. That made me smile today.
That's about all.

I'm working at the Jimmy John's store out by Great Lakes Crossing for the next week or so until I complete my training. They literally do about 1/2 the business than my normal store does. Weirdness. It does get slightly monotonous after standing around for an hour picking up pieces of lettuce from between the cutting boards. Ahhhh, life. :)

Number one.

I talk about loving people. I talk about being like Jesus, and loving people like He did. Because, if I can't handle even such a seemingly simple act of sacrifice, what's the point?

Well, thinking about this, there's more to loving people than good intentions. It's more than telling myself that I need to love people, and then not doing anything differently because I always end up being trapped by the incredible vagueness of it all. How do you "love people", specifically? Does it just happen, oozing out of me like some uncontrollable substance, or do I actually have to actively do something?

And that was my problem. I've been thinking that "love" has some kind of formula. Step 1: Do something nice for the person. Step 2: Do something really nice for that person. Step 3....

Love is not a formula, however. No step-by-step process. That would be like saying I could figure God with my calculator. It seems like it would kind of be easier that way. But, not gonna happen. Love is spontaneous. It's real. And it has to be a genuine part of me from the start. I guess, loving people really is something that just "happens," but not quite. If that's who I am - not following some kind of formula - than it will just come naturally. And then, that's the fun part.